To Maureen

I saw you sweeping/floating across new land to the edge of the ocean,
far away from development (where others are dwelling).
It is rocky with sprigs of grass trying to peek through around the large boulders;
most would think its a wasteland, but it is no wasteland to you.

You have fought for this land;
paid a great price for it.
But the pain it took to get you here is no longer on your mind,
only exuberant joy radiates from you like a bright light,
arms wide, head back,
as the Wind of the Spirit wooshes around you,

for you are now a Lighthouse.

Surrounded by the continual Spirit Wind
you can see farther, and have been given the power to speak to the storm that surrounds you:
"Peace be still."

rain on me

I just finished reading the book Heaven is for Real.  If you have not heard of it, it's about a 3-year-old boy who got to visit heaven.  I was reading about how Colton, the 3-yr-old, became obsessed with rainbows after visiting heaven.

Let me back up a little, and paint a picture of what God spoke to me then.  As a Kindergarten teacher, I have been collecting drawings given to me from my students since the beginning of school.  Now, the whole wall behind my chair is covered in 5-year-old artwork.  There are many drawings of me and of Rainbows.  And there are drawings of me under Rainbows.

These were the pictures God brought to mind, but I did not fully understand what it meant so I opened my concordance and looked for the word rainbow.  I found the verses in Revelation and then found a footnote connection to Ezekiel 1:26-28:

Now above the expanse that was over their heads there was something resembling a throne, like lapis lazuli in appearance; and on that which resembled a throne, high up, was a figure with the appearance of a man.  Then I noticed from the appearance of His loins and upward something like glowing metal that looked like fire all around within it, and from the appearance of His loins and downward I saw something like fire; and there was a radiance around Him.  As the appearance of the rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so saw the appearance of the surrounding radiance.  Such was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD.  And when I saw it, I fell on my face and heard a voice speaking.

I know that children see so much more than we give them credit for, but could this mean that they are seeing the Glory of the LORD reflect from me?  I was so excited I wanted to right it down right away, but I kept hearing God tell me to get in the shower.  Weird, I thought, but I finally gave in, and hopped in.  

I stepped in and let the water run through my hands and I thought about when rainbows come; after live-giving rain has fallen and satisfied the earth.  Then I heard His voice remind me that I can only reflect His glory when I spend time in His presence.

I wait on You God, rain on me.   

Be.

Do you get those uncontrollable urges to do something to change the world?
I do too!

Well yesterday it came over me.  Some of you are lucky enough to put action it, but what does it mean for the rest of us?  What does it mean for me on an everyday basis?  How can God use me now?  These questions have plagued me many of times and the answers never seem fully satisfying.  Like overseas missions have become this drug that you crave and can't get enough of. I can't live my life like I did on those missions because there's more responsibly here, more to balance.  So I think of the future, this vague picture of what God is calling me to, but even then, the now isn't satisfied. This recurring conversation in my head never seems to find a solutions so it is all pushed away until it finds its way to the surface again. 

But yesterday was different.  In the process of burying it, I heard  "Be still and know that I am God."  Waves of His heavenly presence rushed over me and I could feel my whole body relax.  I could just be. 

In our culture we're always suppose to be doing something, moving ahead, getting things done and it becomes natural to us.  God has called us to be and to do each in their own timing, but so often I overlook the be.  Just sitting in the presence of God goes against my natural instinct, yet it's where I remember who is Lord, who is in control, how much I should be thankful, how much I am loved, and so much more.  Instead of looking to what can satisfy me, I know Who is more than enough.  Its after being that I am best able to do because my focus isn't on doing but on Him.

So I guess my challenge to myself and to you is to strip everything away and just be in the presence of God. 

Fresh Bread

So I was thinking about how great it is to be reminded that you are thought about.  It's like this instant reminder of how much you are loved.  So I thought I would write a little nugget of encouragement for you to let you know you are loved and thought about.  Now this won't be the only fresh bread I make you, and I don't have the time and energy to make you all bread at the same time, but if you are not in this post it doesn't mean I don't love you or don't think about you, but that God poured in revelation to bake fresh bread for these people today.  Maybe next time He'll give me the batter of revelation for fresh bread for you :)

Holly:  You will always be a beacon of light in darkness.  Your light will shine greatest in the darkness.  You are a haven, a shelter of peace and protection from the darkness that many will be drawn to.  That is why you feel called to the ground level.  Don't underestimate just what your presence filled with the Holy Spirit can do.

Brandon:  You are the rock that draws others.  You feel as though you need to run around to keep things moving, but it's when you stand still that you carry the most weight.  You have been placed on a high mountaintop and can see far off in the distance.  But be wary of erosion, for it will loosen and move a rock from its high place.  Instead build up your mountainous foundation so you can see farther by getting filled with the abundance of God and His perfect Revelation.

Maureen:  What beautiful essence of a tree you are:  fully aware of what gives you your nutrients.  The rains may come down, but you remember that they will eventually make your branches longer to reach more people and your roots deeper in God so you won't be shaken.  The wind may come and blow all your leaves away, but you love the wind as it brings you new birth. The sun shines brightly on you and you find joy as it gets hotter for it not only gives you life but also has refining power.  Because of you wisdom of Heavenly Nutrition, you are an encouragement to others and they are drawn to you.

Lexi:  How far will you have to go to feel content?  To the ends of the earth!  The Father Almighty has stirred this passion, this dissatisfaction in you for a reason, don't shake it off as a humanly trait.  You are a mover, a goer.  As one who has been adopted, you are called to the fatherless and motherless to bring them to the Father.  You are to be the Mother of Many.

Bess:  One who is at the edge of a cliff.  With one great gust of Wind you will tumble over the edge.  Arms wide open, you will fall toward the unknown, because that is who you are.  You fly with the Wind and trust He knows what He's doing.  The wilder the Wind the more thrilling it is for you because it is closer to who God is: far-from-tame.  You will always be called to trust His Wild side.

Kevin J:  You are a lion wrapped in robes of gold.  You carry traits of both God's Kingliness (Righteousness) and His untameable wildness.  They seem like polar opposites and so you feel like there is this constant war within you as one side is always trying to overcome the other.  It's when you can (by the Grace of God) embrace both at the same time will you feel content.

Shannon:  God has entrusted you with a lot more ducks than the rest of us.  He knows that you have this great ability to care for all of them so well  that they hop into a row for you.  As you take such great care of the ones you have and finally get them all lined up, He's ready to give you more.  Your greatest challenge will be not to let worry get in the way of all that God has for you because He has created you to be able to do far more than you can even imagine.  And worry just breeds chaos which mean more work for you to get those ducks in a row.  So keep giving and getting filled with good food and those ducks will keep lining up perfectly for you.

Travis:  Throw the couch aside, walk into the New, and be who you've always wanted to be, but were too afraid to, because God loves you so much He wants to give you that life.

Lizzy:  So there's this dot right in the center of everything that is who God has created you to be.  You've been eying it for some time now, but are afraid that if you step into it you will lose your freedom to make your own choices.  So you've been skirting around it hoping to get close to it, but not close enough to get lost in the depths of God's unknown.  Well, you've pretty much made it all around it now and you still don't feel content.  So step into it and you will be amazed at how much better it is than anything you've ever imagined and you will feel freer than you have ever felt before.
   
Well, if I do anymore baking today, my head might explode.  So I love you all, and be blessed!

God is my Refuge

Last Sunday, Nathan had a revelatory thought about God as our refuge:

He saw God's castle, a fortress well protected with huge stone walls that nothing can breach.  God is asking us to join Him there in safety and peace.  Instead we insist on running around the outside of the castle, still in His presence, but not within His safety so we are continually getting beaten and bruised.  We need to take the action of stepping into His refuge in order to benefit from His protection.

This reminded me of Psalm 27:

The Lord is my light and my salvation-
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life-
of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though and army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the Lord,
and I shall seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the
Lord
all the days of me life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and seek Him in His temple.
For in the day of trouble
He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted
above the the enemies who surround me;
at His tabernacle I will sacrifice with
shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

This is a wonderful promise of God's protection, but it begs a question in my mind.  What do I do to dwell in His house?  What do I need to do to say within the walls of His protection?

Hear my voice when I call Lord,
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of You "Seek His face!"
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide your servant away in anger,
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will recieve me.
Teach me your way, Lord,
Lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

I remain confident of this,
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord,
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

I always found this an interesting second half of this psalm since it starts so confident. There is something in the desperation of David in this second half that for the first time ties this whole psalm together for me.  I think that David was given a revelation of God's refuge, but then saw what could happen to Him outside of the fortress.  He knew that in order to be in God's protection he needed to be in the presence of God.  So David is suddenly like "Oh crap, God I need your presence all the time, look at all me enemies, be my help like you've been before, I can't take a chance being apart from You God, please stay with me."  And then at the end, it's like He's reminding himself of what He knows.  "Don't worry I know the nature of God, in His time I will see His goodness here on this earth."

So don't worry, be strong and take heart.  Wait on Him and He will come.  Trust in His fortress, it will not fail.  In His presence you will find peace from your enemies.

Sticky Rain

Recently I woke up with this feeling that God really wanted to tell me something, so I sat in His presence, and this is what unfolded.

As I closed my eyes I was taken into a vision of honey falling down on me like rain. 
I heard His voice say "You know they great thing about honey is that it's sticky."

Not understanding what this meant at all, I looked up verses in the bible dealing with honey and kept coming across "the land flowing with milk and honey."  Upon researching this phrase, I found that honey denotes delight.  After getting more understanding about what was going on, I reentered the vision.

This time I was dancing and laughing with my arms open wide as honey droplets fell on and around me.  That's when Jesus entered the scene and I fell into His embrace comfortable in my role as His bride.  Together we enjoyed the rain as we danced in the Father's delight. Then The worship playing from my computer burst into the vision singing "sons and daughters of the living God."  The Father in His gentle voice simply said " They're your children too."

Revelation flooded in as I understood for the first time why God has placed me in my job. As the Father pours His delight on me, I am able to pass that delight on the little ones I spend my day with.  As the Bride of Christ I love them like my own because they are His.

A Tiny Tidbit

Trusting God is like being thrown in the air by your father as a child.  Your stomach flips and you get the feeling like your going to fall, but you're not worried because your big strong Daddy would never let you fall. Your Destiny is in His hands and it might feel as though your being tossed about, you feel as though you are about to hit the floor at any moment, but Daddy God will always catch you as you let out a giggle of delight in the feeling of His strength. So enjoy the stomach flips as you look forward to the Father's arm surrounding you.

 

Subsistence to Abundance

  I'm not very good at small talk, in most cases it makes me uncomfortable and awkward.  I feel more at ease just sitting in silence, but my greatest desire is to go deep, far beyond the surface.  I just haven't quite figured out how to bare my soul without making others go into flight mode.  And then there's the fear factor, that human-size leech that just sucks the life out of everything. 
I recently learned something more about fear: because of fear, I become the center of every relationship.  No longer do I operate out of love, calling others towards their destinies, but instead through fear I use them to edify me. 
So a few weeks ago a new little girl joined the one year old room.  This being her first experience in a classroom type setting, it is a big change for her.  In all of this transition, she deemed me the one she would screaming cry at until I picked her up.  I had a difficult choice: I could act out in fear of what others would think and how this little one would think of me, or I could take a step back and look at the big picture, of what her destiny is at this time.  If I held her all the time, I would become her crutch in this new environment and she would never experience it to its full potential - the interaction with her peers and exploration of the environment.  So, I let her scream.  Now, I'm not completely heartless, I did hold her and let her wipe her tear and snot on my should many times to calm her down, but sometimes there was nothing I could do but have those big blue eyes look at me and scream as she threw away the toys I set in front of her.  Two weeks later she is beginning to engage in her environment and with her peers.  She smiles and dances and plays on her own.
The ironic part of this story is that both of us are dealing with fear.  Her's is fear of separation and mine is fear of acceptance.  As I let go of my fear,  I begin to recognize hers and call her out of it and into her destiny.  When I step out of what is hindering me, I can see past the great big leech that is covering my eyes and recognize the other person needs and call them to God's promised abundance.  And that's when going deep isn't so frightening. 

Orange

Today I got to spend about an hour with a little 1-year-old girl who I just think is fantastic.  She early on decided that we were going to read books, mostly because she can say "books" and knows what they are.  Many of the books were about colors, so I would say the color and point and she would repeat.  After a while I started asking her "what color is this?"  Her reply was "orange."   Always orange.  So then I would say "no that purple."  She we repeat "purpa".  Then I would ask her "what color is this?" staying on the same page, and her reply would be "orange."  The I would correct, she would repeat and it would go on and on.

This made me think of our relationship with God.  I just imagined God sitting there pointing to a book trying to teach me.  I would sometimes get it right, because orange is a color, but if He tries to move on to purple I can't get it, because I still haven't wrapped my mind around what orange is.  But when He tries to move on to purple, and I get it wrong, He looks at my dimpled 5-tooth smile as I answer and thinks I'm just too darn cute to get mad or frustrated at.  Isn't that what Papa God is like?  He is simply delighted that I am engaging in His endeavors to teach me. 

Smart water

"We dig our own wells, don't we?  Looking for something to satisfy our thirsty soul, we dig and dig and dig for a few dusty drops of water.  The desert is a wasteland of our own making.  It's like trying to drink from the garden hose that isn't even connected to the spigot.  We get tired of the futility, and our lives dry up.  Things might actually be going well on one level but feel completely empty and pointless on another.  We are so busy digging we don't realize an endless fountain of cold clear water is waiting right there all the while...and the fountain is Him!" ~Lisa Weaver

My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. Jer 2:13

I so badly want to do.  There is this deep seeded belief in me that I become of value when I do something of value.  I just know if I dig that hole and finally hit water, I would be so valuable.  But who brought me out to this desert?  And why? 

God brought me here. 

So many times we say that we are of value to God.  We say that He wants relationship with us, but we run off trying to gain value instead.  Instead of sons we act as orphans.  Instead of loving God, we love what we can do for Him. 

I'm just as bad as then next person, I LOVE being used by God.  What an amazing feeling it is to see lives changes as He moves through me.  To be continually challenged  and see the fruits of my labor blossom.  But He knows my identity was found in being used by Him instead of finding it in Him.  So what does He do?  He takes it all away and says "I want you, not what you can do for me."   It's then that I drop the shovel.  It's just me and Him in the desert and He's the only water I need.

I was made to love my Bridegroom first and most, then to love other people and pursue other things out of the overflow of His love and life in me. ~Lisa Weaver

Sitting at an Intersection

So i FINALLY broke down and purchased a GPS.  It's pretty much a requirement in a town like this.  I've been enjoying the freedom it has given me.  I never have to fear that I'll get lost or that it won't get me to my destination.  Even if I take a wrong turn, it "recalculates" and get me in the right direction.  Even if I end up taking a different road than the GPS initially had me take, I still get to where I want to go.
I recently read a book that compared God and our Destiny to a GPS (Beautiful Destiny by Lisa Weaver).  You can understand now why this particular comparison became rhema to me. And couldn't it be true? Perhaps we have this Destiny we were born for, and if we turn right or left we will still get there.  We might go on completely different roads than initially planned, but we still make it to the destination.

It definitely takes a weight off my shoulders, but I've also learned something else about Destiny.  For the past month, I haven't been actually moving in any direction.  I've been learning that being offered a job doesn't always mean you start work right away.  In a city that is constantly busily moving, I am still.  It feels very unChristian of me to be not contributing to the world at all.  Then God reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha.  For those of you who grew up with the Donut Man, me included, this song is the first thing  that comes to mind:

Mary sits at Jesus’s feet

While Martha makes good food to eat

Mary sits and listens to Jesus

While busy Martha makes things neat

Martha:

I am busily, busily working while Mary is shirking

Why can’t Jesus see, she should help me

I am chopping and cutting a cooking while Mary is looking

Why can’t Jesus see, she should help me

Jesus:

Martha, Martha why do you worry

Mary. Mary chose the best part when she chose Me

Wow!  Have you ever thought of how selfish Mary sounds.  Nothing would ever get done if the world was made up of Marys.  Yes, perhaps Martha worried a little too much, but didn't they still need food?  
Well, I've been  learning what it means to be Mary.  I've struggled with feelings of selfishness, like I'm spending all this time with God, but not really doing anything for Him.  Not really driving towards my Destiny.  But if Jesus is right about Mary, then the Destination isn't really point.  It's slowing down long enough to realize that sitting Jesus' feet is more important than making sure your home is spotless.  And if we are made in His image, perhaps we'll learn a little about ourselves in the process.    

One thing I ask

And I shall seek

To dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life

To gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

And seek Him in His temple.

Ps.  27:4

Dirty.

Entering the Temple of the LORD, I walk to the basin.  Glancing at my hand I notice they are covered in black oil,  I begin to scrub and scrub, but it doesn't take long to realize that I can't get the oil off.  I want to enter the Holy of Holies, dwell with God, but I will never be able to with these hands.

It is then that I notice a young boy walking through the curtains out of the Holy of Holies.  He was wearing simple rags, nothing to make him stand out, but I instantly notice his shiny clean hands.  I approach him and ask him how he got his hands so clean.

"I was an orphan, now I am a son of God."  he replied and walked away.

My mind begins to reel.  That was helpful, Not!  What is he trying to imply?  I'm not an orphan either!  I am a son of God too!

Then it hit me.  If I truly believed that I am a son of God, then why do I believe I cannot enter His presence with dirty hands.  Doesn't the Father accept me into His presence no matter how dirty I have become?  Although I knew I was a son, I was reacting as though I was an orphan.  As though I was left to myself.

So I slowly enter the Holy of Holies still fearful of my Father would say/do once He saw my dirty hands.  I enter looking at my toes. 

"I have been waiting for you." the Father says.

It is then that I look up into His eyes and hold my hands out to show Him.  I see the hurt flash across His eyes soon followed by loving sympathy.

"Well that will not do, you can't continue to look like an orphan when you are now my son."

"I can't get it off."  I say feeling the hopelessness of the situation.

"I sent Jesus so you don't have to."

Jesus walks in like that was His cue.  He carried a porcelain pitcher and pours it into a small basin.  Then He looks up at me and says "Come."

I walk over to Him and He takes my hands in His.  His touch is electrifying and indescribable feelings of warmth pulse through my entire being.

Jesus gently cleans my hands in the basin and to my amazement my hands are easily cleansed.

I was once an orphan. Now I am a son of God.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

In a country where satisfaction is never reached what does it mean to satisfied by God?  What does it mean to be satified? 

You see, before today I associated the word satisfy with getting what I needed.  I need a roof over my head, food, water, clothes, and all the rest of my humanly needs.  On top of that I need God, I need a Savior.  Well, I have all that.  So does that mean I am satisfied?  No.

The LORD will guide you always;  He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorced land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden like a spring whose waters never fail.   Isaiah 58:11

satisfy: to be fullfilled, to be filled in excess(surfeited/sated)

God is good.  He has given me my humanly needs.  But doesn't He also promise to satisfy those who don't have a roof over their head or shoes on their feet? They can't possibly say that they have been filled in excess, that their spring has never failed.

So what do I really need? What do we really need to be satisfied? 

I need a Savior who unclenches my fists, holds my hand against His face, looks deep into my eyes and says "You are Mine, forever." 

I am satisfied. 

Are you?

Mango Seeds and Poverty

"For you have been born again not of a corruptible seed, but incorruptible, through the living and enduring word of God" 1 Peter 1:23

A mango seed comes from a mango tree and can only produce mangoes.  An incorruptible seed comes from an incorruptible tree and can only produce incorruptible fruit.  I think I can safely say that the incorruptible tree is God.  So what does it mean to produce incorruptible fruit - the same fruit God produces?

"God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were" Romans 4:17

So a young man by the name of Zeb Mengistu was called by God to go back to his home country of Ethiopia.  He had a dream of helping the poor and reaching the lost.  One day he was scheduled to preach at a certain church where you had to park your car and walk through a slum-like area to get to the church.  As he began walking he became overwhelmed by it all.  Falling to his knees he asks God "Where do you even start?"  God replied "In the beginning was the word."  He knew then, that God starts with putting words, putting dreams in each of us.  We are not called to declare what is not but to declare as though it is.  And I  call this Hope.

My Hope is in You Lord, the only One who can bring life to the dead and call the things that are not as though they were.  The only reason I can produces mangoes...