Subsistence to Abundance

  I'm not very good at small talk, in most cases it makes me uncomfortable and awkward.  I feel more at ease just sitting in silence, but my greatest desire is to go deep, far beyond the surface.  I just haven't quite figured out how to bare my soul without making others go into flight mode.  And then there's the fear factor, that human-size leech that just sucks the life out of everything. 
I recently learned something more about fear: because of fear, I become the center of every relationship.  No longer do I operate out of love, calling others towards their destinies, but instead through fear I use them to edify me. 
So a few weeks ago a new little girl joined the one year old room.  This being her first experience in a classroom type setting, it is a big change for her.  In all of this transition, she deemed me the one she would screaming cry at until I picked her up.  I had a difficult choice: I could act out in fear of what others would think and how this little one would think of me, or I could take a step back and look at the big picture, of what her destiny is at this time.  If I held her all the time, I would become her crutch in this new environment and she would never experience it to its full potential - the interaction with her peers and exploration of the environment.  So, I let her scream.  Now, I'm not completely heartless, I did hold her and let her wipe her tear and snot on my should many times to calm her down, but sometimes there was nothing I could do but have those big blue eyes look at me and scream as she threw away the toys I set in front of her.  Two weeks later she is beginning to engage in her environment and with her peers.  She smiles and dances and plays on her own.
The ironic part of this story is that both of us are dealing with fear.  Her's is fear of separation and mine is fear of acceptance.  As I let go of my fear,  I begin to recognize hers and call her out of it and into her destiny.  When I step out of what is hindering me, I can see past the great big leech that is covering my eyes and recognize the other person needs and call them to God's promised abundance.  And that's when going deep isn't so frightening. 

Orange

Today I got to spend about an hour with a little 1-year-old girl who I just think is fantastic.  She early on decided that we were going to read books, mostly because she can say "books" and knows what they are.  Many of the books were about colors, so I would say the color and point and she would repeat.  After a while I started asking her "what color is this?"  Her reply was "orange."   Always orange.  So then I would say "no that purple."  She we repeat "purpa".  Then I would ask her "what color is this?" staying on the same page, and her reply would be "orange."  The I would correct, she would repeat and it would go on and on.

This made me think of our relationship with God.  I just imagined God sitting there pointing to a book trying to teach me.  I would sometimes get it right, because orange is a color, but if He tries to move on to purple I can't get it, because I still haven't wrapped my mind around what orange is.  But when He tries to move on to purple, and I get it wrong, He looks at my dimpled 5-tooth smile as I answer and thinks I'm just too darn cute to get mad or frustrated at.  Isn't that what Papa God is like?  He is simply delighted that I am engaging in His endeavors to teach me. 

Smart water

"We dig our own wells, don't we?  Looking for something to satisfy our thirsty soul, we dig and dig and dig for a few dusty drops of water.  The desert is a wasteland of our own making.  It's like trying to drink from the garden hose that isn't even connected to the spigot.  We get tired of the futility, and our lives dry up.  Things might actually be going well on one level but feel completely empty and pointless on another.  We are so busy digging we don't realize an endless fountain of cold clear water is waiting right there all the while...and the fountain is Him!" ~Lisa Weaver

My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. Jer 2:13

I so badly want to do.  There is this deep seeded belief in me that I become of value when I do something of value.  I just know if I dig that hole and finally hit water, I would be so valuable.  But who brought me out to this desert?  And why? 

God brought me here. 

So many times we say that we are of value to God.  We say that He wants relationship with us, but we run off trying to gain value instead.  Instead of sons we act as orphans.  Instead of loving God, we love what we can do for Him. 

I'm just as bad as then next person, I LOVE being used by God.  What an amazing feeling it is to see lives changes as He moves through me.  To be continually challenged  and see the fruits of my labor blossom.  But He knows my identity was found in being used by Him instead of finding it in Him.  So what does He do?  He takes it all away and says "I want you, not what you can do for me."   It's then that I drop the shovel.  It's just me and Him in the desert and He's the only water I need.

I was made to love my Bridegroom first and most, then to love other people and pursue other things out of the overflow of His love and life in me. ~Lisa Weaver

Sitting at an Intersection

So i FINALLY broke down and purchased a GPS.  It's pretty much a requirement in a town like this.  I've been enjoying the freedom it has given me.  I never have to fear that I'll get lost or that it won't get me to my destination.  Even if I take a wrong turn, it "recalculates" and get me in the right direction.  Even if I end up taking a different road than the GPS initially had me take, I still get to where I want to go.
I recently read a book that compared God and our Destiny to a GPS (Beautiful Destiny by Lisa Weaver).  You can understand now why this particular comparison became rhema to me. And couldn't it be true? Perhaps we have this Destiny we were born for, and if we turn right or left we will still get there.  We might go on completely different roads than initially planned, but we still make it to the destination.

It definitely takes a weight off my shoulders, but I've also learned something else about Destiny.  For the past month, I haven't been actually moving in any direction.  I've been learning that being offered a job doesn't always mean you start work right away.  In a city that is constantly busily moving, I am still.  It feels very unChristian of me to be not contributing to the world at all.  Then God reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha.  For those of you who grew up with the Donut Man, me included, this song is the first thing  that comes to mind:

Mary sits at Jesus’s feet

While Martha makes good food to eat

Mary sits and listens to Jesus

While busy Martha makes things neat

Martha:

I am busily, busily working while Mary is shirking

Why can’t Jesus see, she should help me

I am chopping and cutting a cooking while Mary is looking

Why can’t Jesus see, she should help me

Jesus:

Martha, Martha why do you worry

Mary. Mary chose the best part when she chose Me

Wow!  Have you ever thought of how selfish Mary sounds.  Nothing would ever get done if the world was made up of Marys.  Yes, perhaps Martha worried a little too much, but didn't they still need food?  
Well, I've been  learning what it means to be Mary.  I've struggled with feelings of selfishness, like I'm spending all this time with God, but not really doing anything for Him.  Not really driving towards my Destiny.  But if Jesus is right about Mary, then the Destination isn't really point.  It's slowing down long enough to realize that sitting Jesus' feet is more important than making sure your home is spotless.  And if we are made in His image, perhaps we'll learn a little about ourselves in the process.    

One thing I ask

And I shall seek

To dwell in the house of the Lord

All the days of my life

To gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

And seek Him in His temple.

Ps.  27:4

Dirty.

Entering the Temple of the LORD, I walk to the basin.  Glancing at my hand I notice they are covered in black oil,  I begin to scrub and scrub, but it doesn't take long to realize that I can't get the oil off.  I want to enter the Holy of Holies, dwell with God, but I will never be able to with these hands.

It is then that I notice a young boy walking through the curtains out of the Holy of Holies.  He was wearing simple rags, nothing to make him stand out, but I instantly notice his shiny clean hands.  I approach him and ask him how he got his hands so clean.

"I was an orphan, now I am a son of God."  he replied and walked away.

My mind begins to reel.  That was helpful, Not!  What is he trying to imply?  I'm not an orphan either!  I am a son of God too!

Then it hit me.  If I truly believed that I am a son of God, then why do I believe I cannot enter His presence with dirty hands.  Doesn't the Father accept me into His presence no matter how dirty I have become?  Although I knew I was a son, I was reacting as though I was an orphan.  As though I was left to myself.

So I slowly enter the Holy of Holies still fearful of my Father would say/do once He saw my dirty hands.  I enter looking at my toes. 

"I have been waiting for you." the Father says.

It is then that I look up into His eyes and hold my hands out to show Him.  I see the hurt flash across His eyes soon followed by loving sympathy.

"Well that will not do, you can't continue to look like an orphan when you are now my son."

"I can't get it off."  I say feeling the hopelessness of the situation.

"I sent Jesus so you don't have to."

Jesus walks in like that was His cue.  He carried a porcelain pitcher and pours it into a small basin.  Then He looks up at me and says "Come."

I walk over to Him and He takes my hands in His.  His touch is electrifying and indescribable feelings of warmth pulse through my entire being.

Jesus gently cleans my hands in the basin and to my amazement my hands are easily cleansed.

I was once an orphan. Now I am a son of God.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

In a country where satisfaction is never reached what does it mean to satisfied by God?  What does it mean to be satified? 

You see, before today I associated the word satisfy with getting what I needed.  I need a roof over my head, food, water, clothes, and all the rest of my humanly needs.  On top of that I need God, I need a Savior.  Well, I have all that.  So does that mean I am satisfied?  No.

The LORD will guide you always;  He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorced land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden like a spring whose waters never fail.   Isaiah 58:11

satisfy: to be fullfilled, to be filled in excess(surfeited/sated)

God is good.  He has given me my humanly needs.  But doesn't He also promise to satisfy those who don't have a roof over their head or shoes on their feet? They can't possibly say that they have been filled in excess, that their spring has never failed.

So what do I really need? What do we really need to be satisfied? 

I need a Savior who unclenches my fists, holds my hand against His face, looks deep into my eyes and says "You are Mine, forever." 

I am satisfied. 

Are you?

Mango Seeds and Poverty

"For you have been born again not of a corruptible seed, but incorruptible, through the living and enduring word of God" 1 Peter 1:23

A mango seed comes from a mango tree and can only produce mangoes.  An incorruptible seed comes from an incorruptible tree and can only produce incorruptible fruit.  I think I can safely say that the incorruptible tree is God.  So what does it mean to produce incorruptible fruit - the same fruit God produces?

"God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were" Romans 4:17

So a young man by the name of Zeb Mengistu was called by God to go back to his home country of Ethiopia.  He had a dream of helping the poor and reaching the lost.  One day he was scheduled to preach at a certain church where you had to park your car and walk through a slum-like area to get to the church.  As he began walking he became overwhelmed by it all.  Falling to his knees he asks God "Where do you even start?"  God replied "In the beginning was the word."  He knew then, that God starts with putting words, putting dreams in each of us.  We are not called to declare what is not but to declare as though it is.  And I  call this Hope.

My Hope is in You Lord, the only One who can bring life to the dead and call the things that are not as though they were.  The only reason I can produces mangoes...